After last night, I could never be a politician.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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