I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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