just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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