I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
