I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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