I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
