i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
