I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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