My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
