you guys were way drunker than both of me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
