South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
