I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
