i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
