My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
