Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
