Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
