Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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