You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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