i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
