I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
