I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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