i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
