He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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