I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
