FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
