sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
