you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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