I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
