I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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