I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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