The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
