what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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