she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
