I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
