Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
two words...techno handjob
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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