He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
