Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
