I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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