I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
