This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
