my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
