i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
