apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
