I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
