I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
