Swine flu. Run for my life!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
