my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
