Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
