I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
