He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have post one night stand depression
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
