My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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