I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
