he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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