I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
