The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
