i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
